alcinamhp
Joined: 02 Mar 2011
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Location: England
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 Posted: Sat 20:30, 07 May 2011 Post subject: A person's memories |
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Wanted to write for a long time, but since I do not know where to write. In a nap for a moment, to be awakened, and then, never slept before. Minds have been thinking about some mess. No longer wait any longer, he got up and hit some words on your note. Hope not to wake other people, forgive me. You note, is not afraid of you I want to forget. We seem to have not said something forever, it does not say these vows to each other, but the idea is to meet, because life is considered practical.
not cry, the most annoying things when sad or smoking cigarette and think about the past, think about us. Although sometimes very strange thought of you, think of the reality, so he up and sad, but very quickly, the good feelings will come back. Your lifetime, I do not do something useful for you to do, which is a pity, but also my fault, I am sorry, Oh, never apologized to you, less sweet. Now regret. Now, write his memoirs could really make something, to see for yourself when is the future, memories of death is also accompanied by this point, also died rest in peace.
often think of a lot of if. If you did not go to Canada early in the morning if you tell me your physical condition, if you do not have an accident, if that night I still look sleepy bear with you talk a little biased if time allows, if ... ... if these are established, Perhaps our story continues, right? Council will continue with the. Because you said would go to my house for the winter vacation period, you will bring Canada's chocolate, you will come back to your journal in China, you will bring in Canada's diary, let me know your life over there ... ... I just can not not love you. If you're still alive, I'm so much of you if you will, as before, to be asleep to hear it? Even losing patience, said: If you do not like. You will like to live a real life, happy, and I believe you, I believe you would bring me happiness and well-being. If those are set up if, maybe I still do not know how to understand what you're by my side, will not miss what you've done for me, will not understand the death of the original is so simple, it does not understand the two people will become so once the distance to infinity.
I want you, hour after hour, you? Long time no tears flee for you, you will not like me cry, you laugh, I like to see there all day thinking about how to coax you will, that some small, I lie to you, so that I will miss, there are those that are hidden in some pain in my heart. Perhaps too deeply buried, sometimes you think you have forgotten, until to see your mother, and she gave me four red envelopes. Four red envelopes, I know that is what it means. She can not belong to you personally for your red packets, transmitted to me. The moment, really good cry. I ask myself, is not forgotten you? I have some guilt, shame. She took me in his arms, maybe she expected me to cry. However, I do not, do not cry very presumptuous. Not afraid, but do not shed tears. I only lightly in her ear and said After returning home I told Min Xin said, she said [link widoczny dla zalogowanych], you just your own feelings of those who are into your own heart, all of us do not understand, can not understand. I listened to, fear, looking at her, she can see through me? In addition to the deceased person [link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and one can see through me? Really more? At this point, I really began to cry. Suddenly feel very afraid, afraid that an accident like when you received the same into the hospital. Yes, as you describe, like me, timid and fearful. Do not understand why, with a total fear of another people can understand me. With the determination of the already dead, but that anyone would put it bluntly, the words of my heart, the same as doing good conscience, I feel death is a crime, so there will be some hesitation. Now, is not a fear of death is not afraid to die at ease, is the fear of losing the courage to die.
feeling that day, the whole life also remember clearly. The day before yesterday a dream, never remember, so wake up scared [link widoczny dla zalogowanych], sweating, choking. The next day, they received information about you. Always an ominous foreboding, especially with last night's dream. Noon, and finally received the final decision. Listen to the phone, there's voice was shaking, but I do not know how to react, in short, did not cry, tears that did not cry. Only God knows how I hung up the line. Then I sent messages in the past: What is reality? From that point on, afraid of reality, afraid to accept reality. How do think we
a pair of ordinary, and some noisy, some sweet, not evasive, there is no fear of being seen, not too much romance, not much separation, not the poor ... ... I rather ordinary, the flat quietly, no big waves, a day to give you information, phone [link widoczny dla zalogowanych], listen to your ordinary everyday words, to tell you I am a quiet life ... ... demanding that it? Why is your God has mercilessly taken away from you my body? Are you good people, even the heaven love you? If you take away my God, what you are doing right now? Will think of me? Would like me to our story? You will still be a day to me that some trivial thing? Yes, because I know you will. You fool, you said, also wrote that no matter where I am, no matter where you go, you'll remember me forever.
write something here is really very comfortable. Because writing is that you and us, write what to write, without regard to whether the clear and coherent sentences, without regard to whether others would like to see, as long as I like to write, I can write. Now I do not have much inspiration to write, I do not have that natural talent is it? You said, do what you love to do, this life be not in vain before. I like to write, I just love it? If you just like, I can venture out so much time to do all these things like not identify it? How can you not give me an answer? I can not hear your reply, the heart is only fear. No support, I do not believe in themselves. No one has given me some confidence in my words.
mood these days is very unstable, unstable to want to die. Especially yesterday, and my heart finally wait any longer, made a temper, but at last could not help but to Minxin a telephone call, pass it, I first thing, I'm so hard and wanted to be dead. And then began to cry. Know what I was thinking it? I thought, why do not you phone over there? I really hope that is opposite you, you amusing me laugh, I will completely give up the idea of death will be totally opened up the things I can not figure out. Find that really only you, only you can cover through all the walls inside, to me and your heart together. Maybe I have not the time to suppress the extreme, so death is the idea I was impulsive, but not impulsive acts, when the cool down, only to find just how naive. Although written a suicide note, but when apply, the hearts of not sure. Perhaps after a month, maybe three years later, perhaps after three years, all this might.
is now more comfortable, and to talk to you feel is not the same, always always comfortable, this is your charm. I will continue writing, even if the results prove that I was wasting time, I will continue writing until completion. I understand you, do what you love to do. Now do what you love to do, they do not care about others, including whether there will be results, if someone recognized, whether there will be results, these are not the most important, as long as they like, all will become very simple.
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